Sunday, 5 August 2012

Shaadi Ka Laddoo

I'm just 22, and most of my relatives and family friends have already started chasing me with their links and contacts of families with eligible girls, and have started to show much more interest in me than they ever did ! Why ? The answer is rooted in our culture,our traditions and our values. In India, marriage is not just a unison of two hearts, its seen as a unison of two families. These relatives and family friends want to get me married because the mere proposition of me marrying a girl proposed by them is enough to entice them. If I were to marry such a a girl, they would stand tall somewhere in the Shamiana of my marriage and tell some other guy proudly- "Meri batayi hui ladki se shaadi ho rahi hai". In fact this would be an achievement which they may even add to their CV, if they are allowed to do that. And not surprisingly, even others would view this as a deed as good as it can get. However, If I were to find a girl for myself, I would always be deprived of this credit.

An arranged marriage in India is seen as a much more safer and a much more sensible "Deal" than a love marriage.It is believed that in an arranged marriage, both parties are at the safer side with the credibility, shall I say, of both parties being duly verified before the marriage actually takes place. Whereas in a love marriage, it is a common assumption that there is a lot of risk involved and the bond is considered to be immature, even if they boy and the girl knew each other for the last 5 years ! I guess that this view sees a marriage as a partnership rather than as a conglomeration.But then there is another point that we need to note- quite often than not, arranged marriages tend to last longer than love marriages.

One may reason that its primarily because of an obligation. Yes, when you are in an arranged marriage, both parties have verified the identity of each other and once they approve of striking the final deal, they are obliged to each other, and to every other person who attended the marriage and who bears the testimony to the marriage. With a conflict rising afterwards, either the boy or the girl would compromise because the interests involved were more than their own.This is certainly a good thing for their children, if they have any, but not a very good choice for themselves. In a love marriage, on the other hand, the girl and boy would try to convince each other, and in case they fail, the marriage is over before I put this full stop.

Another problems with love marriages is that the pair eventually distances itself from most of their families, primarily because of an implicit hesitation that imbibes in them by virtue of their's being a love marriage, and party because of them been seen as runaways by most of their relatives.So this leaves both of them alone, for most of the time. Yes, they have friends, ton of them in fact, but they are not very much in touch with their relatives. In a nation like India, where the society of man is mainly comprised of relatives, this can have very vague consequences.

But love marriage is the eternal bond of two souls, has got much more juice and passion involved than an arranged marriage and is an agreement to which the two parties that matter the most - the bride and the groom of course, agree duly. An arranged marriage is a very strange concept in this regard. I mean throughout your lives, you're asked not to talk to strangers and one day, suddenly, you find yourself sharing your bed with one. No offense here, but the idea intrigues me, nonetheless.

So, in a nutshell, an arranged marriage gives you the benefits of future security, as two families are with you to take you out of any trouble, and arranged marriages also tend to last long. Moreover, most of your families are happy and content at the end. In love marriages on the other hand,  the bride and the groom are the happiest people, as it ought to be.Both have their pros and cons and disavowing any of them won't do any justice. So, what's the best deal ?

The best deal is to follow the latest trend. Parents, nowadays, ask their children at least once before setting their marriage,as to if they are in love with anyone. Tell them "yes, I am". Tell this at your own risk and take some extra precautions if they suffer from any cardiovascular disease. Now that they know it, it leaves us with the convincing job. I have to say its very difficult to convince your own families into believing that the girl or the boy you're in love with, is very good. This has to be done in a crisscross manner. the girl gets to convince the boy's family and the boy gets to convince the girl's family.  Once the secret is out in the open, take guard and interact more and more with each other's families until you convince them, which you would do if you're actually in love. The power of true love should logically break all barriers and once the families are convinced on the goodness of the other guy or gal, they shouldn't be having many problems in nodding to it. Another thing you ought to do is to arrange more and more interactions between the two families. How you're gonna do it ? I don't know. You're on your own kid ! Can't you put in even a little effort to transform your raw relationship into a solid one ?

The aforementioned suggestion may raise quite a lot of eyebrows but I couldn't find a better way. Love v/s Arranged marriage is indeed a debate that can go on and on for decades and I bet you must have found yourself involved in one, at least. In fact we have an upcoming Television soap based entirely on this theme . Here's the link to their Facebook fan page -

Yes, it will be tough, but its a question of your life so you better be up to the task. By the way, if you're a forever alone kind of guy, like me, you just have to rely on your parents to find you a girl. But that, I suppose, would be a very boring thing by mine and your standards. So, I've started to watch movies, lots and lots of them, and I'm learning methods to impress that girl whom I'm having my heart on for the last 8 years. Irrespective of whether I succeed in this one-sided love or not, I won't say "no" before giving it a try.

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