Tuesday, 9 September 2014

An open letter to the iPhone 6 fanatic next door!

Dear not so dear random iPhone 6 rumor monger/fan,

It is with utmost lack of respect, humility and consideration that I write this. I was thrilled to witness celebrity iCloud account hacks and people doing all kinds of weird things with buckets containing ice. It was pure bliss to grasp all that craze and wickedness on public platforms. I mean where else would you have people taking baths, dressing well, combing up to shed that disheveled appearance just to drop a bucket of gelid water on them and waste 10 bucks or 14 minutes on the laundry. But I was amazed to see all the activity and was enamored to the Internet until I saw your flagrant iPhone 6 love splurging out and taking over my news feed. 

People speculating about the features, anticipating the size and girth, and people expecting surprises in the package. I would feel sanguine about my own life if what I expected was a mate, because even a mate shall be scrutinized on all those aspects - features, sizes of all sorts, and surprises, but this is so garish. You know you'll end up spending 10x of what a rock solid durable, exultant and spectacular local or China made set is likely to cost, with more enhanced features(size being the most important as people consider in both aforementioned decisions), but yet you drool over any leak on the pictures, price or even the guys who'll launch.

My above transgression shall portray me as a Luddite on grounds of sounding uncool and not following the zeitgeist, but then I actually invest at least a month in exploring 100 handsets every month of all ranges and still zero in on none. I mean that's what smartphone shopping is all about in my opinion. So many online portals that give reviews of people enraptured or cribbing after their purchase, that at the end you defer your purchase in the hope of meeting your inamorata one day - The ultimate smartphone, just like the ultimate mate. Okay will not materialize gamy anymore!

Ask me how joyous it is to tinker with a 4k smartphone that is so old that the company wouldn't even accept they once made it. Its camera has gone frail, right side of key panel doesn't work and does not even have a working mouthpeiece. But who says you need to be an engineer to solve technical issues. You use removal of back cover to click pictures so that lens has no plastic scratched and smudged casing preventing clear view. You have autocompletete to get words with those characters that you can't type and then a cut and paste help you get those characters without them being available on the keypad anymore! And you have earphones to go along for the mouthpiece. 

All in all, life becomes an affair of managing the mere morsel, something that you're likely to relish much more than that 45k tawdry iPhone which comes up all loaded and makes you a slave. No one teaches you more than an old faulty cell phone and research on new cell phones that you never end up buying. Life is a constant rumpus and an iPhone can only help you get this far. Let your existing smartphone rot to hell and you still use it like there was no problem. And one day, your not so extant smartphone shall decide to pay you back all the love and veneration you had for it. Life works in miserable ways, you know. Btw, Steve Jobs and Woznaik rock, but Tim Cook doesn't! 

Yours disparagingly 

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