Saturday, 21 September 2019

Festooned defeats!

Over the last 18 months, a lot has changed. The country has made another attempt at sending a probe on the moon. A few more industrialists turned money swindling diablos escaped the laws of the land. A few celebrities married, a few are now feeling cocooned in someone else's arms. Think of it, a person lying in a comatose state for the last 18 months would wish they never woke up. 18 months is a lot of time for a lot to change. A lot.

I'm writing this post after defeating a writers' block that lasted a whopping 18 months. I have not only lost all the grip on my words, but I'm also unable to glean over my own thoughts. I have also lost a lot over the last 18 months. None of this is tangible and one tangible thing I wished I lost was some kilos. Nevertheless, a lot has been lost. My nascent wizardry with words, my ability to churn stories out of the obvious, my avidity for fitness, the voracity for reading and even my blog domain name! Yes, I lost that too, and I lost it to some Ukrainian porn site. Imagine! 

While world moved on from blogging to microblogging to quotes on instagram, there is a part of my identity that flustered beneath the bulwarks of my character which lead me alive out of my daily dalliance with entropy. Like a recluse, I kept getting institutionalised day in and out, thinking this is what I actually signed up for so why not. And now suddenly, I find myself gandering at the panelist's face when they ask me to tell something about myself. All I can recall is the grades, the bold numbers buttressing my menial achievements and a few standard quotidian verses which even the other party knows to be a face, but I stuff them in their mouths nevertheless.

So what's the whole point of this post? First of all, please notice our new blog domain name. It's Royal Ramble, with shameless and incongruous inspiration taken from the annual Royal Rumble. Though this blog is going to be no less chaotic as well as useless, but yes the derivation is both delirious and deplorable, but so what? So yes, we will always start with ramblings and then come to the point, which you must have been able to gauge by now, for this post, if you're still reading this, you sore loser! 

It amazes me how every single day, I convinced and connived myself into sugarcoating the paltry achievements at workplace and life, while I kept losing a new battle for keeping my identity alive. Identity! It all boils down to the identity of an individual. That's the only thing that matters and the only thing that cannot be insured. 

Our identity is our trademark quintessential all authentic all veracious blueprint. Of all the zillions and permutations and combinations of the decision making junctures that you had, it was one unique set of decisions and choices that brings you down to your current miserable state. So that is the only thing completely unique about you. But what if you end up gaining control of everything else in your life - your finances, your career progression, your short and long term plans, the make of the shoe rack you never really needed; but ended up surrendering control over your own identity? Don't think much because that's what you're doing!

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In every moment of conceit that you live in your life, right from the cracking of coconuts on the hood of your new car to the envy of your repugnant smirking neighbours to the appreciation mail from your manger, there is a defeat enshrouded in the open murder of a facet of your identity. No matter how big an introvert you are, you will bask in the glory of the appreciation mail. No matter how much you lampoon capitalisation for destruction of the environment, you'll still end up buying that car. Every achievement in the open, is innately designed to annihilate an original figment of your provenance and your persona. Why? Because that's how you fit in.

We're all essentially benign outliers when we begin our long waited journeys to success. Then there is an elaborate assembly line, where our malleability and ductility help shape up the next picture perfect cogs and sprockets in the corporate machinery. If we continue to remain an outlier, the sampling process throws us out. On the other hand, if we bid good riddance to our natural rebellious all questioning demeanour, congratulations, you've made it big. And then what?

Ahoy! There begins that phase of evolution where lunatics and the depraved are shovelled into the dungeons of oblivion and the precipices of human progress are put in charge for the next cycle. You turn from the psychedelic schmucks to state of the art idols. On the other hand, you turn from apogees of self awareness to the clueless malingerers. You never realise the latter because the glitter of the short term mirth is too inundating to see the smouldering ruins of your own selves, with your identity festering and fading beneath the hoopla of your accomplishments. And every such accomplishment is adorned and cherished, and so is every eternal defeat to no one but your own self. And yet, it goes on, until yet another identify melts into the myriad of our collective human superiority. A zillion permutations and combinations fizzling into just another brick in the wall.